Begin exploring
today’s
biggest Jewish
questions…
×
Infidelity: Consequences and Aftermath
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to an anonymous guest about infidelity and its consequences and aftermath.
Summary
This series is sponsored by our friends Mira and Daniel Stokar.
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to an anonymous guest about infidelity and its consequences and aftermath. Additionally, we receive the expertise of clinical psychologist Dr. Malika Bhowmik, on re-establishing intimacy after violations of trust.
We love to tell teshuva stories that have perfect and happy endings, but sometimes the most meaningful teshuva does not fix all of one’s problems immediately. In this episode we discuss:
- What does it mean to save a relationship that can no longer continue?
- How does one rebuild their religious identity after having their “good guy” image destroyed?
- Should an unfaithful spouse “come clean,” or should they “bear the brunt of the guilt” in secret?
Tune in to hear a conversation about how we can strengthen our essential relationships and revitalize the excitement, joy, and sweetness of our religious lives.
Interview with our anonymous guest begins at 16:10.
Interview with Dr. Bhowmik begins at 1:49:00.
Dr. Malika Bhowmik is a clinical psychologist in private practice, where she works with individuals and couples. Dr. Bhowmik received her doctorate in clinical psychology at the Graduate Center at City University of New York, where she wrote her dissertation on “A Grounded Theory Investigation of the Subjective Responses From Partners in Couples Where Infidelity Has Occurred.” Dr. Bhowmick was mentored by Esther Perel, LMFT, one of the most acclaimed thinkers and therapists on relationships, especially after crisis.
References:
Sin•a•gogue: Sin and Failure in Jewish Thought by David Bashevkin
ברגז רחם תזכור by David Bashevkin
Sexaholics Anonymous: White Book
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First by John Kim
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
Recommended Podcasts
podcast
Yisroel Kaminetsky: The Goal of Jewish Education
In this edition of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to David’s rebbe, Rav Yisroel Kaminetsky, longtime principal of DRS Yeshiva High School, about the state of Jewish education in America.
podcast
David Bashevkin: ‘We are meant to teach the world how to embrace unchosen identity’
David Bashevkin discusses how to embrace holiness, the purpose of prayer, and the search for meaning in an age of distraction.
podcast
Shlomo Pill: When a Rabbi Doctor Struggles With Addiction
We talk to Rabbi Shlomo Pill about how Torah and teshuva have helped him handle his struggle with addiction.
podcast
Fally Klein: ‘To me, God is the unanswerable question that keeps you asking’
Fally Klein joins us to discuss finding God in the everyday and where the Messiah might come from.
podcast
Mendel Horowitz: A Good Enough Elul
We talk to Mendel Horowitz, who introduces us to the notion of having a “good-enough Elul.”
podcast
Ben and Yael de Toledo: Baalei Teshuva Building Community in Israel
We talk to Ben and Yael de Toledo about doing teshuva by returning to community.
podcast
Liel Leibovitz and Lisa Ann Sandell: When A Spouse Finds Faith
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Liel Leibovitz and Lisa Ann Sandell about what happens when one partner wants to increase their religious practice.
podcast
Why 1840?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down for a special podcast with our host, David Bashevkin, to discuss the podcast’s namesake, the year 1840.
podcast
The Dardik Family: A Child Moves Away From Zionism
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Judah, Naomi, and Aharon Akiva Dardik—an olim family whose son went to military jail for refusing to follow to IDF orders and has since become a ceasefire activist at Columbia University—about sticking together as a family despite their fundamental differences.
podcast
Yehoshua Pfeffer: ‘The army is not ready for real Haredi participation’
Rabbi Yehoshua Pfeffer answers 18 questions on Israel, including the Haredi draft, Israel as a religious state, Messianism, and so much more.
podcast
When a Parent Becomes Estranged
In this episode, we talk to a father and daughter who were estranged and then reunited.
podcast
Joey Rosenfeld: Can Mysticism Heal Us?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down with Joey Rosenfeld, social worker and kabbalist, to talk about the differences between mysticism and rationalism and the roles they should play in our lives.
podcast
Modi Rosenfeld: A Serious Conversation About Comedy
In this special Purim episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we bring you a recording from our live event with the comedian Modi, for our annual discussion on humor.
podcast
Joey Rosenfeld: ‘All Jews are by definition mystics’
Rav Joey Rosenfeld’s entryway into mystical thought began with the writings of Franz Kafka and Albert Camus.
podcast
Einat Wilf: ‘Jews Are Never Allowed To Win, and Arabs Are Never Allowed to Lose’
The true enemy in Israel’s current war, Einat Wilf says, is what she calls “Palestinianism.”
podcast
Talia Khan: A Jewish Israel Activist and Her Muslim Father
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Talia Khan—a Jewish MIT graduate student and Israel activist—and her father, an Afghan Muslim immigrant, about their close father-daughter relationship despite their ideological disagreements.
podcast
Menachem Penner & Gedalia Robinson: A Child’s Orientation
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Menachem Penner—dean of RIETS at Yeshiva University—and his son Gedalia—a musician, cantor-in-training, and member of the LGBTQ community—about their experience in reconciling their family’s religious tradition with Gedalia’s sexual orientation.
podcast
Larry and Tzipora Rothwachs: Here Without You — A Child’s Eating Disorder
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Larry Rothwachs and his daughter Tzipora about the relationship of a father and daughter through distance while battling an eating disorder.
podcast
Yossi Klein Halevi: ‘Anti-Zionism is an existential threat to the Jewish People’
Yossi answers 18 questions on Israel.
podcast
Pawel Maciejko: Sabbateanism and the Roots of Secular Judaism
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to historian and professor Pawel Maciejko about the false messiah Sabbatai Zevi, Sabbateanism, and the roots of Jewish secularism.
podcast
Rav Moshe Weinberger: Can Mysticism Become a Community?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down with Rav Moshe Weinberger, rabbi and educator, to discuss the role of mysticism in modern-day Judaism.
podcast
David Bashevkin: My Dating Story – On Religious & Romantic Commitment
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, Dovid Bashevkin dives deeply into the world of dating.
podcast
Dr. Ora Wiskind: How do you Read a Mystical Text?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down with Dr. Ora Wiskind, professor and author, to discuss her life journey, both as a Jew and as an academic, and her attitude towards mysticism.
Recommended Articles
Essays
What Are the Origins of the Oral Torah?
A bedrock principle of Orthodox Judaism is that we received not only the Written Torah at Sinai but also the oral one—does…
Essays
How to Prep for Talmud Daily
Before you open a page of Gemara, meet the people, ideas, and arguments that make the Talmud worth opening.
Essays
3 Arguments for God’s Existence
Perhaps the most fundamental question any religious believer can ask is: “Does God exist?” It’s time we find good answers.
Essays
The Torah’s Warning About Having Everything
Parshat Ki Tavo warns us what happens when everything we’ve prayed for stops feeling like a gift.
Essays
I’m a Psychodynamic Therapist. Here’s What That Means.
Psychodynamic therapy is not for everyone. But for those who dare, it can change everything.
Essays
Diving Into The World of Mysticism
Joy and meaning can be found not only despite the brokenness, but even because of the brokenness.
Essays
A Letter to Children Estranged From Their Parents
Children cannot truly avoid the consequences of estrangement. Their parents’ shadow will always follow.
Essays
A Letter to Parents of Intergenerational Divergees
Children don’t come with guarantees. Washing machines come with guarantees.
Essays
How the Lubavitcher Rebbe Teaches Us to Transcend Ourselves
I consider the Rebbe to be my personal teacher, and I find this teaching particularly relevant for us now.
Essays
A Brief History of Jewish Mysticism
To talk about the history of Jewish mysticism is in many ways to talk about the history of the mystical community.
Essays
Army Service is Essential for Every Jew: Letter From an IDF Combat Soldier in Gaza
Yes, the Israeli army needs Jews to draft, but more than that, Jews need to experience what it means to serve.
Essays
What Ki Teitzei Teaches Us About the Morality of War
When the reservist hears Ki Teitzei this Shabbat, he confronts a question about what the Torah demands of an army.
Essays
Why Is Meir Kahane Making a Comeback Among Orthodox Jews?
Israeli minister Itamar Ben-Gvir wears the mantle of Kahane in Israel. Many Orthodox Jews welcomed him with open arms.
Essays
‘Are Your Brothers To Go to War While You Stay Here?’: On Haredim Drafting to the IDF
A Hezbollah missile killed Rabbi Dr. Tamir Granot’s son, Amitai Tzvi, on Oct. 15. Here, he pleas for Haredim to enlist into…
Recommended Videos
videos
Jonathan Rosenblum Answers 18 Questions on the Haredi Draft, Netanyahu, and a Religious State
Talking about the “Haredi community” is a misnomer, Jonathan Rosenblum says, and simplifies its diversity of thought and perspectives. A Yale-trained lawyer…
videos
Intergenerational Divergence
videos
A Vulnerable Conversation About Shame, Selfhood, & Authenticity with Shais Taub & David Bashevkin
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we speak with Shais Taub, the rabbi behind the organization SoulWords, about shame, selfhood, and…
videos
Teshuva
videos
Ben and Yael de Toledo: Baalei Teshuva Building Community in Israel
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Ben and Yael de Toledo, founders of Pnima Jerusalem, a soulful community…
videos
Why Naftuli Moster Left Haredi Education Activism
We speak with Naftuli Moster about how and why he changed his understanding of the values imparted by Judaism.
videos
Talmud
There is circularity that underlies nearly all of rabbinic law. Open up the first page of Talmud and it already assumes that…
videos
Moshe Benovitz: Why Religious Change Doesn’t Always Last
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, recorded live at Stern College, we speak with Rabbi Moshe Benovitz, director of NCSY Kollel,…
videos
An Orthodox Rabbi Interviews a Reform Rabbi | Dovid Bashevkin & Diana Fersko
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we speak with Diana Fersko, senior rabbi of the Village Temple Reform synagogue, about denominations…
videos
Jewish Peoplehood
What is Jewish peoplehood? In a world that is increasingly international in its scope, our appreciation for the national or the tribal…
videos
Rachel Goldberg-Polin and Jon Polin: How Torah Gives Us Faith and Hope
In this special Simchas Torah episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we speak with Rachel Goldberg-Polin and Jon Polin—parents of murdered hostage Hersh…
videos
Steven Gotlib & Eli Rubin: What Does It Mean To Be Human?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast—recorded at the 18Forty X ASFoundation AI Summit—we speak with Rabbi Eli Rubin and Rabbi Steven…
