This month, we are exploring relationships. We’ll be speaking with people with experience all along the spectrum of relationships, from singlehood, to marriage, to problematic and unsafe relationships. We’ll be thinking about the many vulnerabilities of life in relationship, through conversations with our host, David Bashevkin, Esther Williams and Dr. Shoshannah Frydman from the Shalom Task Force, Zahava Moskowitz, and Channah Cohen.
Central questions:
Choice and Commitment: How can we foster committed relationships in an era of radical choice?
Cultures of Dating: How can one navigate the expectations, obligations, and sensitivities, of the different worlds of Jewish dating?
Ways of Seeing: How does one decide what to look for in love, and know what not to look for?
Our decisions in life, big and small, have become increasingly complex due to the overwhelming abundance of choice with which we are presented. We often assume that more choice means better options and greater satisfaction. But is this always the case? In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz explains at what point choice individual freedom becomes detrimental to our psychological and emotional well-being. Schwartz argues that eliminating choices can greatly reduce the stress, anxiety, and busyness of our lives.
The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage is a popular and traditional presentation on the Jewish views of love and marriage in Jewish law and life in the rabbinic tradition. A cultural touchstone, this book has guided many through finding a loved one. This book pairs well with Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, which offers a more psychologically-minded look at the Jewish tradition’s approach to love and relationships from one of the great psychoanalysts of the 20th century. Neither of these books are new, and so readers would do well to read them with an open heart, and consider how they have aged into the questions we ask today.
You have it all, but not the one you’re looking for. In this book, Lori Gottlieb, well known for her columns and other works, asks us to reconsider what makes for lasting romantic fulfillment, and whether we are too picky about that which doesn’t matter. In Marry Him, Gottlieb explores an all-too-common dilemma of how to reconcile the desire for a happy relationship with a list of must-haves and deal-breakers so complicated that many possible partners get eliminated. Gottlieb sets out on her own journey in this book, discovering wisdom and insights from sociologists and neurobiologists, marital researchers and behavioral economists—as well as single and married men and women of all generations. This book pairs well with Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Attached is a popular primer to the psychology of attachment, and though it can skew simplistic at times, it offers a great starting point for readers to reflect on their own attachment style, and how they move towards or away from others at times.