Begin exploring
today’s
biggest Jewish
questions…
×
Red Flags: A Conversation with Shalom Task Force Featuring Esther Williams and Shana Frydman
We have a deeply moving conversation on the topic of red flags in relationships.
Summary
This episode is sponsored by Esther & Jerry Williams in honor of all those who support Shalom Task Force.
If you are in crisis please reach out to the Shalom Task Force Hotline at 888-883-2323.
On this episode of 18Forty, we have a deeply moving conversation on the topic of red flags in relationships. We speak with Esther Williams and Dr. Shoshannah Frydman from Shalom Task Force, and one person who extricated herself from an abusive relationship. The dynamics of relationships, whether healthy, unhealthy, or anywhere in between are complex, and we set out to better our understanding of the signs of relational abuse. Whether or not you have personally struggled with the issues we discuss here, we are all better off when we are more informed about the what and why of relational health, so tune in now.
In this interview, we discuss:
- What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?
- How can we foster understanding and awareness of the dynamics of healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics from an earlier age?
- What are the steps one can take to extricate themself or heal from a challenging relationship?
First interview begins at 10:35
The Shalom Task Force, Inc (STF) is a non-profit community organization that aims to combat and prevent domestic violence and foster safe and healthy relationships and families. The STF focuses on helping those in the Jewish community that may not have access to traditional services and that need culturally sensitive programming. The STF runs a free, anonymous hotline that helps individuals find the services they need, provides assistance through legal services, supportive counseling, and referral information, and offers prevention and psychoeducational workshops, trainings, and community programs to increase awareness of relationship abuse and promote healthy relationships.
Dr. Shoshannah Frydman, PhD, LCSW is the executive director of Shalom Task Force. Dr. Frydman is a trauma-informed therapist and advocate who has worked in the field of domestic abuse and family violence in the Jewish community for close to 20 years. Dr. Frydman co-chairs the UJA Taskforce on Family Violence, and was recently appointed to the New York City Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-Based Violence COVID-19 Response Group. Dr. Frydman previously served as the managing director of Family Violence and Social Services at the Met Council. Dr. Frydman received her MSW from the University of Maryland School of Social Work and her PhD at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York/Hunter College Silberman School of Social Work.
Esther Williams is the President of the Shalom Task Force and a past board member and executive vice president of the Orthodox Union.
References:
“Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001” on 30 Rock
National Domestic Abuse Hotline
“The Quick Shift: Orthodox Jewish Women’s Early Marital Sexual Experience” by Shoshannah D. Frydman
“Tradition and Transition. Orthodox Women’s Experience with Kallah Classes and Early Marital Intimacy” by Shoshannah D. Frydman
The Greatest Average American by Nate Bargatze
Shalom Task Force Guides and Educational Materials
I’m so Confused, Am I Being Abused? Guidance for the Orthodox Jewish Spouse and Those Who Want to Help by Lisa G. Twersky
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship by Lisa A. Fontes
No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder
Recommended Podcasts
podcast
Hadas Hershkovitz: On Loss: A Husband, Father, Soldier
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we speak with Hadas Hershkovitz, whose husband, Yossi, was killed while serving on reserve duty in Gaza in 2023—about the Jewish People’s loss of this beloved spouse, father, high-school principal, and soldier.
podcast
Haviv Rettig Gur: ‘Hamas is upset the death toll in Gaza isn’t higher’
Haviv answers 18 questions on Israel.
podcast
Elissa Felder & Sonia Hoffman: How the Jewish Burial Society Cares for the Dead
Elissa Felder and Sonia Hoffman serve on a chevra kadisha and teach us about confronting death.
podcast
How Different Jewish Communities Date
On this episode of 18Forty, we explore the world of Jewish dating.
podcast
Einat Wilf: ‘Jews Are Never Allowed To Win, and Arabs Are Never Allowed to Lose’
The true enemy in Israel’s current war, Einat Wilf says, is what she calls “Palestinianism.”
podcast
The Dardik Family: A Child Moves Away From Zionism
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Judah, Naomi, and Aharon Akiva Dardik—an olim family whose son went to military jail for refusing to follow to IDF orders and has since become a ceasefire activist at Columbia University—about sticking together as a family despite their fundamental differences.
podcast
Aliza and Ephraim Bulow: When A Spouse Loses Faith
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Aliza and Ephraim Bulow, a married couple whose religious paths diverged over the course of their shared life.
podcast
Shlomo Brody & Beth Popp: Demystifying Death and the End of Life
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Shlomo Brody and Dr. Beth Popp.
podcast
‘Everything About Her Was Worth It’: The Life of Yakira Leeba Schwartz A”H
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Yisroel Besser, who authored many rabbinic biographies and brought David Bashevkin to Mishpacha magazine, about sharing Jewish stories.
podcast
Menachem Penner & Gedalia Robinson: A Child’s Orientation
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Menachem Penner—dean of RIETS at Yeshiva University—and his son Gedalia—a musician, cantor-in-training, and member of the LGBTQ community—about their experience in reconciling their family’s religious tradition with Gedalia’s sexual orientation.
podcast
Benny Morris: ‘We should have taken Rafah at the start’
Leading Israeli historian Benny Morris answers 18 questions on Israel, including Gaza, Palestinian-Israeli peace prospects, morality, and so much more.
podcast
Rabbi Meir Triebitz: How Should We Approach the Science of the Torah?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down with Rabbi Meir Triebitz – Rosh Yeshiva, PhD, and expert on matters of science and the Torah – to discuss what kind of science we can learn from the Torah.
podcast
Anshel Pfeffer: ‘The idea that you’ll obliterate Hamas is as realistic as wanting to obliterate Chabad’
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu did not surprise Anshel Pfeffer over the last 17 months of war—and that’s the most disappointing part.
podcast
Why 1840?
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we sit down for a special podcast with our host, David Bashevkin, to discuss the podcast’s namesake, the year 1840.
podcast
Larry and Tzipora Rothwachs: Here Without You — A Child’s Eating Disorder
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Larry Rothwachs and his daughter Tzipora about the relationship of a father and daughter through distance while battling an eating disorder.
podcast
Anita Shapira: ‘You cannot wipe out Hamas’
Leading Israel historian Anita Shapira answers 18 questions on Israel, including destroying Hamas, the crisis up North, and Israel’s future.
podcast
Talia Khan: A Jewish Israel Activist and Her Muslim Father
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Talia Khan—a Jewish MIT graduate student and Israel activist—and her father, an Afghan Muslim immigrant, about their close father-daughter relationship despite their ideological disagreements.
podcast
Frieda Vizel: How the World Misunderstands Hasidic Jewry
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Frieda Vizel—a formerly Satmar Jew who makes educational content about Hasidic life—about her work presenting Hasidic Williamsburg to the outside world, and vice-versa.
podcast
Gadi Taub: ‘We should annex the north third of the Gaza Strip’
Gadi answers 18 questions on Israel, including judicial reform, Gaza’s future, and the Palestinian Authority.
podcast
Lizzy Savetsky: Becoming a Jewish Influencer and Israel Advocate
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Lizzy Savetsky, who went from a career in singing and fashion to being a Jewish activist and influencer, about her work advocating for Israel online.
podcast
Mikhael Manekin: ‘This is a land of two peoples, and I don’t view that as a problem’
Wishing Arabs would disappear from Israel, Mikhael Manekin says, is a dangerous fantasy.
podcast
Yishai Fleisher: ‘Israel is not meant to be equal for all — it’s a nation-state’
Israel should prioritize its Jewish citizens, Yishai Fleisher says, because that’s what a nation-state does.
podcast
On Loss: A Spouse
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Rabbi Josh Grajower – rabbi and educator – about the loss of his wife, as well as the loss that Tisha B’Av represents for the Jewish People.
Recommended Articles
Essays
This Week in Jewish History: The Nine Days and the Ninth of Av
Tisha B’Av, explains Maimonides, is a reminder that our collective fate rests on our choices.
Essays
I Like to Learn Talmud the Way I Learn Shakespeare
If Shakespeare’s words could move me, why didn’t Abaye’s?
Essays
3 Arguments for God’s Existence
Perhaps the most fundamental question any religious believer can ask is: “Does God exist?” It’s time we find good answers.
Essays
Fighting for My Father’s Life Was a Victory in its Own Way
After losing my father to Stage IV pancreatic cancer, I choose to hold onto the memories of his life.
Essays
Books 18Forty Recommends You Read About Loss
They cover maternal grief, surreal mourning, preserving faith, and more.
Essays
Benny Morris Has Thoughts on Israel, the War, and Our Future
We interviewed this leading Israeli historian on the critical questions on Israel today—and he had what to say.
Essays
Why Reading Is Not Enough for Judaism
In my journey to embrace my Judaism, I realized that we need the mimetic Jewish tradition, too.
Essays
A Letter to Children Estranged From Their Parents
Children cannot truly avoid the consequences of estrangement. Their parents’ shadow will always follow.
Essays
‘The Crisis of Experience’: What Singlehood Means in a Married Community
I spent months interviewing single, Jewish adults. The way we think about—and treat—singlehood in the Jewish community needs to change. Here’s how.
Essays
3 Questions To Ask Yourself Whenever You Hear a Dvar Torah
Not every Jewish educational institution that I was in supported such questions, and in fact, many did not invite questions such as…
Essays
(What) Do Jews Believe About the Afterlife?
Christianity’s focus on the afterlife historically discouraged Jews from discussing it—but Jews very much believe in it.
Essays
Do You Need a Rabbi, or a Therapist?
As someone who worked as both clinician and rabbi, I’ve learned to ask three central questions to find an answer.
Essays
Between Modern Orthodoxy and Religious Zionism: At Home as an Immigrant
My family made aliyah over a decade ago. Navigating our lives as American immigrants in Israel is a day-to-day balance.
Essays
Do We Know Why God Allows Evil and Suffering?
What are Jews to say when facing “atheism’s killer argument”?
Essays
The Erasure of Sephardic Jewry
Half of Jewish law and history stem from Sephardic Jewry. It’s time we properly teach that.
Essays
From Hawk to Dove: The Path(s) of Yossi Klein Halevi
With the hindsight of more than 20 years, Halevi’s path from hawk to dove is easily discernible. But was it at every…
Essays
Judith Herman Is Giving Voice to Survivors
Dr. Judith Herman has spent her career helping those who are going through trauma, and has provided far-reaching insight into the field.
Essays
‘Are Your Brothers To Go to War While You Stay Here?’: On Haredim Drafting to the IDF
A Hezbollah missile killed Rabbi Dr. Tamir Granot’s son, Amitai Tzvi, on Oct. 15. Here, he pleas for Haredim to enlist into…
Essays
The Hardal Community Explained: Torah, Am Yisrael, and Redemption
Religious Zionism is a spectrum—and I would place my Hardal community on the right of that spectrum.
Essays
A Brief History of Jewish Mysticism
To talk about the history of Jewish mysticism is in many ways to talk about the history of the mystical community.
Essays
Rabbi Eliezer Berkovits’ Complicated Portrait of Faith
Meet a traditional rabbi in an untraditional time, willing to deal with faith in all its beauty—and hardships.
Essays
How and Why I Became a Hasidic Feminist
The Lubavitcher Rebbe’s brand of feminism resolved the paradoxes of Western feminism that confounded me since I was young.
Essays
When Losing Faith Means Losing Yourself
Elisha ben Abuyah thought he lost himself forever. Was that true?
Recommended Videos
videos
Mysticism
In a disenchanted world, we can turn to mysticism to find enchantment, to remember that there is something more under the surface…
videos
18Forty: Exploring Big Questions (An Introduction)
18Forty is a new media company that helps users find meaning in their lives through the exploration of Jewish thought and ideas.…
videos
Talmud
There is circularity that underlies nearly all of rabbinic law. Open up the first page of Talmud and it already assumes that…
videos
The Hasidic Rebbe Who Left it All — And Then Returned
Why did this Hasidic Rebbe move from Poland to Israel, only to change his name, leave religion, and disappear to Los Angeles?
videos
Jonathan Rosenblum Answers 18 Questions on the Haredi Draft, Netanyahu, and a Religious State
Talking about the “Haredi community” is a misnomer, Jonathan Rosenblum says, and simplifies its diversity of thought and perspectives. A Yale-trained lawyer…
